wednesday writings: thoughts on newtown, connecticut

The terrible news of Newtown, Connecticut, it breaks my heart. New England, as I experienced it when I lived in Boston, was always sensible and systematic, more peaceful and judicious than other regions of the States. Picturesque and charming, inviting though still reserved. Which is exactly why none of this makes sense. Why all those children? My heart is breaking, the unspeakable pain is taking over. The tragedy of the shooting; the precious lives of those children. How did the world ever get like this?

A day off from work today has given me time to think over these things. To pray over all the emotions inside of me, to ask all the questions I have.

With silent cries, my prayers go out to the families who lost a precious child. To all the people who lost a loved one, to the town that will never be the same. As people are looking for someone to blame; as they are asking where God was in all this, because there is always someone to ask that -- I pray that they would truly come to know Him. To know the One who heals our hurting, who offers comfort and peace, who is Love. In this world we live in, we feel we must earn everything; yet when a tragedy strikes, we find we never earned it. We try to make sense of it all and when we can't, we give up and create a world suiting our own views. A place where all that matters is ourselves; a place where we must come first and be served the way we like.

Yet there is a hope, in a world that is so hopeless. It still doesn't make sense, to be able to have everything without having to earn it. To have hope and love, comfort and peace. It doesn't make sense that there would be One who loves us with immeasurable, unconditional love that doesn't have to be earned. So I pray that in the midst of the tragedy that does not make sense, people would find the One who eventually makes sense of all of it. There will be years of unspeakable pain and hurting; of missing  the lost ones; of gripping grief and heartache. So I pray He would be found in the midst of all of this.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is Your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in Him."

-- Lamentations 3:22-24

Because His heart is breaking so much more.

wednesday writings: on prayer

Prayer has been on my mind a lot lately. I know I am not alone; God seems to be stirring up prayer and the desire to pray in our church. And, I hope, in all the other churches around the world as well.

Prayer is not always the first thing in our lives. It is not our first choice. It might not even be the second choice. More often than not, I don't feel like praying. Sometimes I don't even think prayer is really that necessary. God knows everything in my heart so He knows those prayers already, right?

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalm 139:23-24

It is in neglecting to pray that temptation and sin enter. That anxiety comes. When we choose to not pray, we choose to not spend time with God. Understandably, prayerlessness makes us much weaker when tempted, as Christ is the one who gives us strength to resist the temptations. When we neglect to pray, we are, in essence, rejecting spending time in the presence of God.

"Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." - Mark 14:38

So I have been reminded that prayer is important. Prayer is crucial. It is prayer that makes this all a relationship with God. Prayer is where I get to pour out my heart, to talk to God. It is also where God gets to pour out His heart, where He talks to me. As the saying goes, you become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. When you spend time with God, in His presence, you will become like Him. Your heart will be changed. Your thoughts will be changed, to being more God-centered. You will be changed; transformed into the image of Jesus Christ.

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." - 2 Corinthians 3:18

That, right there. That is a beautiful image.

wednesday writings: Proverbs 16:3

It is so very easy to go about our day and forget there are others, as well. I mean, it's my life, right? So why should I be thinking about anyone or anything else than me?

Going through the Proverbs with She Reads Truth has made me think and ponder; about myself and about God. How I am nothing and He is everything. How He is the perfect example of all good and righteous; and how I am not. Yet these thoughts do not come out of condemnation and conviction. I am learning to let go of myself in order to become more like Him. In essence, I am learning to love Him more every day.

"It is the sinner basking in the full light of God's holy, redeeming love, in the experience of that indwelling divine compassion of Christ, who cannot be but humble. Not to be occupied with your sin but to be fully occupied with God brings deliverance from self."

Andrew Murray in Humility: The Journey Toward Holiness

Had everything gone in my life as I wanted it to, my life would be, without doubt, a mess. Instead, God has been guiding me through the highs and lows with His perfect plan for my life in mind. It is so much better to give everything to Him, and let Him guide me onwards. The Lord has such good things in store for all of us who wish to follow Him, and He pours outs His blessings on those who walk in His ways. He is always there, arms wide open, willing to guide us and love us through everything.

This verse from Proverbs 16 has been in my mind the past few days. If only I would remember to give Him everything, as He will surely be there with me. So far, I can say with an honest heart that God has given me all the good things in my life. He has lead me to those places and situations. So from now on, I'll do my best to commit everything to the Lord.

wednesday writings: choosing what is good

The weather has been somewhat ridiculous here in Finland. Last week, we had a real heat wave that turned into cloudy and crazy humid weather. Right now, it is pouring and I haven't seen the sun in a few days. I'm starting feel a bit cheated; because isn't summer supposed to consist of sunny days and ice cream. And yet, as I am starting to feel a little gloomy, I am reminded of what I have in God. How in Him, I always have light instead of darkness.

Your name alone has power to raise us
Your light will shine when all else fades
Our eyes will look on Your glorious face
Shining like the sun
Who is like You, God?
(Matt Redman - Holy)

Because really, just as I have been reminded, my worst day with God is still so much better than my best day without Him.

So today, I choose to focus on what is good. Instead of looking at the weather, hoping for more. Instead of looking at my life, hoping for more. I choose to focus on what I have, what I know for sure I have: light, love, life. I choose to walk His way, praying to be more faithful in my walk. I choose to be not as the world is, but instead let His light shine on me and change me, conform me to His image (Romans 8:29).

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." -- Philippians 4:8

Yes, I will still hope for better weather and some sunshine. I still want to eat ice cream, feeling the sunlight on my face. But instead of grumbling and complaining, I'm going to make sure that today, I give thanks to God and praise Him for knowing that I am able to look at His glorious face, shining like the sun. Because sometimes we need the rain and gray weather to see just how precious the sunshine is.

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

What if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise

(Laura Story - Blessings)

wednesday writings: finding freedom in Christ

We are busy preparing for my sister's confirmation party that's this coming Sunday. I just finished washing the windows and yesterday we spent the evening in IKEA, picking up serveware and trying to decide what kind of plates we want. Next, it's time to tackle the food and through trials find the best of what we are unsure of.

So today, I'll leave you with something I have been thinking about for the past few day: finding freedom in Jesus Christ.

At times when I go to bed, instead of falling asleep I find my mind filling up with memories. Not the kind that bring a smile on my face and an occasional chuckle out of me. Rather, my mind is filled with embarrassments and failures that I'd rather forget than ever go through again.

What is this freedom in Christ, that we hear of so often? Shouldn't freedom in Christ be like freedom of speech? That I can do whatever I want without being put into jail or experiencing any consequences? That I can say and do anything without having to feel guilty or oppressed for it?

Um, sorry, no.

In Christ, there is love. Never-ending, unconditional love. That is the freedom I find in Christ. God sees the depths of my heart - even the parts I don't know. He sees and knows the wickedness present in my heart, yet He chooses to love me. He knew my heart even before I was born, and chose to give His Son  to die on the cross for my sins. God still knows the depths of my heart and all the wickedness in there, but chooses to see my heart as pure, as I am covered with the blood of His begotten Son. He chose to die so that I could live.

Turku University, taken when I was waiting for an entrance exam interview to start. I didn't end up getting in to study.

Truly, love is the freedom I find in Christ. Because there is nothing I can do to earn His love. I am never worthy of His love, and that's the freedom. I am never worthy, yet He chooses to love me, always. I cannot do anything or be anything; His love for me is not dependent on me at all. No matter how many mistakes and embarrassing things I do, I know the Lord still loves me. I am freed from the hurtful, embarrassing memories because I know that through the good and the bad, God still loves me. He loves me with my strengths and weaknesses. He loves me as I am, not because of who I am but because of who He is.

Don't get me wrong, though. Just because God loves me no matter what I do or am doesn't mean that I can go and do the worst things and be okay with it. God still calls me to follow His commandments. There are many things I shouldn't do and say as a Christian. But now, I know I am always loved. And that changes my whole world.